Punishment in the upbringing of children, the consequences
Remember the cartoon in which a delinquent child had to correctly place a comma in the sentence “to Execute pardon”. But You asked such a question in those moments, when favorite son or daughter was raskolniki? And where You put the comma?
This article talks about the relationship between the child and parents, on how to punish the kid for bad behavior, in order to avoid mistakes in the upbringing.
How does it start?
But it all begins with the parental home, of family values and environment in which the baby grows. Since the first days of life, he absorbs like a sponge everything that surrounds it. And at this point it is important to grasp the distinction between punishment and the manifestation of an act of child abuse. After all, the purpose of punishment – to convey to the child what he did wrong and to prevent it in the future.
The rules of what is permitted
All parents want to educate exemplary and obedient children. But in fact the result is not quite as desirable. We are all human and entitled to mistakes. Kids are no exception. A broken vase, scattered toys, the next two in mathematics, a call to the principal for bad behavior – learn your baby? And how do You respond?
Psychologists in this situation I advise you to set rules and limits. The educational process should always be based on the rules, the line between permissible and not permissible. If the child has violated this framework, he should know that may follow. That is, he must understand that You will disappoint, fail, and won’t justify trust. This can disrupt Your friendly relationship. And every time the child wants to do the wrong thing, he thinks, and is it worth it to lose the respect and trust of the father or mother?
The rule must be clear and unwavering
The rule works when for its violation sanction will follow. In the dictionary Dahl can read: “to Punish means not only to sanction, but first give the command”.
That is why parents should speak to the conditions of behavior: “You have to be home at 21.00″ instead of “We would mom wish you were not late after 21.00″. Don’t give his words credibility and the child will know if he is disobedience, will be rightly punished.
The offense is different
Never punish their children equally for different weight misdemeanours – late, the stain on the dress, or, for example, deception and insult. But always leave in their parent’s heart a place for understanding and forgiveness.
Remember, the child – is a person
Many child psychologists say that parents often do not know how rightly to punish their children. Affecting the burden of the past, when children were only duties, without any rights. Only total obedience to one’s elders and rigid principles of education. I am glad that all in the past, time has changed us. Thanks to the lessons of teachers and psychologists, we learned that we need competent, rational approach to the issue of education. Remember – better than any of the obedience and submission acts on the child our love, care and affection. Our little man deserves understanding and respect, because he ’ s personality!
Building a trusting relationship with children, parents can get on a hook of his own helplessness before the child tyrant. These children are no boundaries of what is permitted and prohibited, they do not feel safe, there is no harmony in development. And the children themselves suffer from it.
Errors in the methods of punishment
Let’s look at how to avoid mistakes when choosing methods of punishment.
1. Ignoring the problem.
This method – not the best. Although very common in many families. Even if we don’t lift the child’s hand, do not cry, do not deprive your favorite sweets, neglect of children – insulting his dignity. This behavior lowers the child’s self-esteem, sows in it anxiety and fear. Unfortunately, such children, holding a grudge, in the future will also apply to their children.
2. Fear to punish the child.
It’s a pretty common mistake. Thinking that the child cease to love us or nursed a grudge, we are afraid to punish him. Because of my insecurities sometimes we don’t know how to respond to the misconduct of the child. We believe the surest way to make friends and be equal. This is a fallacy. We must remember that our relationship with children cannot be equal and partner. We are responsible, and in many ways they still depend on us.
How do You sometimes not want to slap on it – don’t do it! For many reasons:
always condemned the strike, and even child
this is a sign of weakness, not strength. So we lose credibility in the eyes of children
give to your child that only by force succeed. In the future it can play a trick on him
the child feels humiliated, and therefore unloved. We’re not doing?
Do not forget to squirm, if a hand reached for the priests. Start a dialogue with your child!
How restrictions apply on the child?
As punishment, parents often deprive children of their favorite activities, cartoons, Hiking with friends. Remember – anything that brings children the knowledge, it is impossible to deny. The child needs to develop as individuals.
To avoid conflict situations with children, use punishment only when it doesn’t work with the rules established within the family. If sanctions are commonplace, we are violating our Charter and losing prestige in children. It is very difficult to win again. Let’s aim to be wonderful parents! Love, understanding, forgiveness and respect ” that blocks our happiness.