How to teach your child to apologize, as in our age of consumption to talk to children about sacrifice and what is most important in Orthodox upbringing? We talk with Dr.
pedagogical Sciences, head of chair of pedagogy of the University, the mother of three children, Tatiana enjoyed.
When you began to study Orthodox pedagogy that struck you as particularly important? Why do you have to go this direction?
When I started studying science, I was shocked by the writings of Vasily Zenkovsky. They gave a different perspective of the relationship to the person, to education, to itself. At the time I was little familiar with Orthodoxy. I Zenkovsky I read about this phrase: “the basis of a person’s identity is the image of God, who is indestructible”. So even if the man himself unrighteous lives, trying to hurt myself, to Escorial this way, he is unable to destroy it. This optimism Orthodox pedagogy inspires me.
Each parent often has his own idea of what an Orthodox upbringing. How has it changed you?
Our eldest daughter was born when I was 21, and her husband 22. We “experimented” on pedagogy and psychology. Went to her and during our neovista. The family began votserkovitsya, when the child was four years. Remember, then on our call: “Anya!” the daughter at first baptized, and then turned around. Then I thought that we overdid that we need to change the direction of our efforts. The main thing to raise a child by example, behaviour. External she will learn with time.
Children are usually very difficult to sacrifice some of their own interests, to give in. Do I need to talk with your child about sacrifice and how to do it?
We need to show children what their sacrifice, with specific examples. Even for the most simple of household. In our family had this situation. We moved into a new apartment. Our neighbor was a lonely old lady. After some time I realized that I never removed the landing, and she surprisingly clean. And then it turned out that this purity leads our elderly neighbor. However, she never expressed to me his displeasure at the situation. Of course, the situation we have fixed. I turned to her to apologize, and she replied to me: “what do you. You have three children. You have no time”. I told of the doings of this grandmother to their children. Such examples of self-sacrifice just scattered in our lives. You need to be able to see them. And dad sitting at night for checking student notebooks. Isn’t this an example of sacrifice?
When an adult is faced with rudeness of their child. in which “so much money was spent”, the reactions are very different – from confusion to anger.
First of all, you need to calm down and realize that the child is testing adults on internal stability, samples of the adults on the bending strength and the fracture. The main thing is to maintain composure and kindness. Our parenting must be that we are wiser, stronger. If the child will see a good attitude, over time, he fixates this pattern of behavior is friendly, patient attitude to friends, with love and understanding.
How to teach children to apologize?
If I realize that was wrong, then she is asking the children for forgiveness. Otherwise how can they learn?
Your children are raising each other?
It was interesting to see how Anya brings up little brother of these Things. She saw my growing belly. We’d explained that we will soon be a toddler. When these Things brought home from the hospital, seven year old Anya from the first days to care for it. He cries, she stroking his, gives him a pacifier. Hands tried to take. At first I had fears that she’ll dislocate the baby or feed something that is not so. Then I saw that these fears were groundless.
I was surprised by the optimism of a daughter. Anya said: “Here it will grow, and we will be with him to play.” And I thought: “But you too will grow. You play with it already will be not interesting”. But the kids really grew up friends, despite the large difference in age. Share the secrets.
The Seeds with his younger daughter Sasha a very different relationship. When Sasha was born, Seme was two years old. And we urgently became big. Since then, he always brings up. Before the holiday we asked children to write shopping lists, but take into account that we have money to spare. SEMA criticized: “I Saw Saskin list. She’s got some blouses – three”. If Anya was raised This as a friend, Sam Sasha as a slave. I think Sasha would be a good wife, good-natured. Sasha all nurture, and it is free.
What do you do if kids are fighting?
When children find out the relationship – for adults there is nothing to do. It is their experience. They must learn to communicate, to find compromises. Now Seme fourteen, twelve Sasha. They’re in the room something out. We, the parents are listening, what’s going on there. First came the heated argument. Then a moment of silence. And then the song for two voices. Moreover, Sasha sings.
Before bed I sang them songs. Was tired and I had to switch. Now the love of music helps children to switch and even to reconcile.
As a dad raising children in your family?
Husband is still reading the children of the night books. Although the youngest daughter already twelve. Kids can’t sleep until I talk to my dad. Psychologists say, before I go to sleep for children is the most critical – at this time they are the most amenable to education. In our family this time belong to the Pope.
Dad engaged in their reading, and if they suddenly stop reading, this question takes control of the Pope. For academic performance and behavior in school watching dad. He works in a school with children. The main levers of education – in her husband’s arms. Once the seniors caught the younger daughter Sasha in the hallway of the gymnasium and asked her questions. “Why was your dad walk to school?” “He must think,” replied Sasha. “And how he checks our notebooks?” “I don’t know. He checks at night, we sleep.” “And he you with SEMA scolds?” “No. Only the annotation reads,” replied our child. These are the main methods of education of our dad – reading for the night and reading “annotation”.
Christian parents sometimes surprise and shock when the child refuses to go to Church.
First of all, parents are confronted with the fact that the teenager out of obedience. The child tends to look different, starts something new to decorate herself. Takes somewhere new things that seem to him beautiful. New decorate your room. Parents often react aggressively with incomprehension. So the relationship grow cold. The child is emotionally estranged from their parents. What pleases parents, not interested in it. At first it appears small. Then in a large. With the appearance of indifference to the life of the Church is useless to say, “What father would say when your skirt will see?” or “Orthodox boys don’t do that”. Valid only personal example of parents. First and foremost – friendly attention to how changing growing people. I think that maturing children bombard their parents with new options for their spiritual growth.