How to wean the child to lie to his parents – why it happens and what to do?
For the first time faced with the lies of children, parents are asking a logical question: how do I teach my child to lie? Children lie makes us sincere bewilderment: after all, from an early age we teach our children that lying is bad! Why child began to lie? Do upbringing in vain? And most importantly – what to do now? Let’s see, what is a children’s lies: parent fiasco, bad peer influence, or simply a natural stage of growing up – and what should parents do in this situation.
Why do children lie?
First of all we should recall the definition of a lie is a deliberate distortion of the truth. A lie always conscious, so before you accuse the offspring of lying, you must be sure that he lied deliberately. The duty of parents is to distinguish when a child is lying, and when wrong. Lies are not necessarily lies in the words – silence may be no less false. To the question “who ate the candy?” — the kid answers: “did the cat” – or simply bashfully silent and looks away. Many parents believe that if the child did not utter a lie out loud, he wasn’t lying. This is not so. To can distort the truth in word and silence, and even action.
So, you have determined that the child is lying. Why does it do this? Reasons children lie a lot.
Lie for personal gain. This is the most unpleasant aspect of children’s lies, because here lies — tool for achieving selfish goals. The child knows that you have to lie, he would not be pressured by any external circumstances; he makes a rational choice in favor of lies. The reasons can be several. Gaps in education – the baby is not ashamed to speak the truth. Bad example – children often imitate their parents and everyone is respected. Psychopathy is innate lack of empathy and inability to grasp moral norms.
The fear of punishment. The most common type of children’s lies. Children do not yet have a sufficient level of self-discipline, and to avoid some of the novitiates them difficult. But then, when the deed is done and the ban is violated, fear comes. The baby realizes that he has done wrong, afraid of punishment, and fear simply outweighs internal setting to tell the truth.
Fear of humiliation. Dignity is inherent and the smallest. The boy knows — it will not be punished if they knew that he was crying from pain when seated knee. But father said that men don’t cry! And here the child is lying, not to drop credibility in the eyes of the father. It is important for children, to be treated with respect.
Boasting. It’s a lie to raise the status in the group. The kid is exaggerating your achievements or the achievements of his family, and even comes up with stories, exposing him in a good light. If the child brags, it’s a sign for parents – boasts dissatisfied with something in yourself or your family, something shy.
A lie for the purpose of self-defense or protection of his comrades. Parents have to make a difficult choice – whether to teach children always to tell the truth or to tell the child that in certain cases, a lie is acceptable. If false – the means of saving life or health, it is valid.
False to check their capabilities. Little children tend to experiment to see the reaction of adults and peers. A lie can be caused by curiosity – to see what happens. If the baby does not know that lying is bad, he almost certainly will experience a so-called “enthusiasm sells” — the sense of power, ability to influence others through lies. Therefore, it is important not to encourage even the youngest prankster in his “innocent pranks”, but clearly explain what is good and what is bad.
Lie to attract attention. Perhaps the child is lying because he sees no other way to attract the attention of parents. Especially often it occurs in families after the birth of her second baby. Firstborn may feel abandoned and will do anything to bring the attention of parents.
In the desire to educate the children of honest parents do not need to overreact. There is the concept of social role – models of behaviour to which we adhere, to conform to social standards. In a sense, these roles are deceitful – they force us to do what we are not willing to hide true feelings and thoughts. But it’s a necessary part of public order. Imagine what would happen if the children will never hide my thoughts:
– Why you’re distracted, you’re not interested in the lesson?
– Yes, Maria, terrible lesson. Yes and I don’t like you.
How do I teach my child to lie?
There is no single answer to the question, how do I teach my child to lie, — every situation is different. There is no doubt that the first step parent wanting to wean children from lies, to understand the reason.
If you suddenly realized that the child lied for his own selfish ends, and I am not sorry for, need to be guided by the principle of “do no harm”. If it is connected with education gaps, abrupt change moral course will lead to rebellion. “Well, it was possible earlier, but now suddenly not?”
If false – the consequence of bad example, simple morality also does not get rid of. Especially if the bad example comes from the parents themselves. Attempt to make your child stop lying, when he knows that you’re lying to yourself, will be perceived as injustice. In this case, to wean the child to lie, the parents have to unlearn to lie to themselves, perhaps even change the habitual way of life. In such situations, you may need the assistance of a qualified psychologist.
In other described cases, it is relatively easier. If the child is lying out of fear of punishment or humiliation, brags, or experimenting attracts attention, foremost, confidential conversation. Parents are the people closest to children and false burdens the conscience. Explain to your child that you in any case will not love him less or punish, if he admits the offence. When he confesses, quietly discuss why what you did kid, it was wrong. Be sure to let him say, as he should have done. Give your child the opportunity to think about what to do to make amends, or at least offer possible solutions. In this case, he will perceive it not as a punishment but as an atonement. It is very important to convey to the little man that errors should be corrected, not hide from them.
Also don’t forget about the preventive measures – read stories, tell stories from life, invent stories in which illustrative examples will be shown why it is impossible to lie. And, of course, parents should be an example for their children.
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