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Child gets upset when plays


Question: Hello! Son 7 years old, and he is very upset due to different lesions in the game, in some missions. Playing football with my dad — if it loses, in tears. Any arguments that this is a game and that daddy will not succumb, as the son of strong contender, do not work. Thus, he loses all the time — half-and-half.

The same thing: if takes to cut out a complex shape, it is impossible — in tears.

What to do with it? Soon to school, and he roars… Maria Archangorodskaja.

Meets Love Goloshchapov, child psychologist:

Question about the lack of healthy indifference to the result of their efforts. Well, let’s see.

First of all, for whom are these tears?

If the baby cries when the failure of even being alone with him, it shows his strength of feeling. High emotional stress need to lose – and they do it by tears, the most natural way.

If the baby cries only in the presence of other people is entrenched behavioural response. Speaking in Russian, loved ones react in a certain way (or reacted before) the tears of a child, and now that he wants the adults did it again, presses it into the “button” — the crying son/grandson.

That the child was given in response to my tears?

This is exactly what he lacks, when unable to do so, as desired, when the target is not achieved in the manner which he chose, when he is not working effectively.

So what is this?

The vigil? Comfort? The assurances that he is strong? Or simply contact, is given to him feelings, emotional warmth, which he might not have enough now? Just a hug? Or when he was crying earlier, mom and dad did something difficult for him?

This is the outer side of tears . social gains that they bring, simply put, external use.

The internal component may also play a big role, especially if the boy is upset, regardless of whether you see it or not.

Back to Your question – here to this place: “experiences due to the different lesions”.

What is defeat? And is it possible without it actually do?

At first glance it seems that I without it cannot live. Wherever there is competition, rivalry, someone has to win and someone to lose, to fail. It is the same with complex tasks – not the fact that they will always happen the first time. And it’s true, because we consider them to be complex. That’s only defeat it?

Any game, any activity is first and foremost a process.

The child lives in the current moment (correctly, by the way, does), the smaller the baby, the it is more evident. Your son is upset not because of the process, so in the process it gets fun, and interesting for him. This is very good. What upsets him? Result. One moment just long enjoyable process.

Look at it from a different perspective.

How do You feel about any activities, from games to study and work, which pay more attention to what you think is more valuable – the process and the result?

Typically, we are taught from childhood that the most important is the result, but – alas! – not so. He has value, but is the same as the process itself. Of course, in school, the teacher will require the result of this system, and they need to put a score in the result. But from the point of view of the child, he learns something reads, writes and does, he has all the time in the process. And it is important that the process was interesting to him. Then the result will be good, and progress will be rapid. You know, what’s interesting, we’ll do day and night, will think about this over lunch, and in the tram. This is the main thing.

The child always reflect their parents, to a greater or lesser extent. Any difficulty, the problem in the child’s behavior is in some sense a manifestation of the same difficulties for parents.

In this case, it may be a larger focus on adults result in damage to the process. Perhaps the desire to get the result as quickly as possible or impatience, fear not catch. See how the rain fall, lift your head up and look at the process, it’s amazing. Sailing, changing form, cloud in the sky. As melts on the sleeve exquisite snowflake – slowly, slowly. Like trying to walk a very little child (that’s really who cares!). As the dog runs over thrown by the owner of the ball – look at her plastic surgery, her movements, how wonderful it is, and it does not matter, will find it the ball in the grass. I think You will find a lot of other, more interesting than I wrote here.

Like child to play football? Does he like to cut?

Learn to enjoy what you are doing, and do not hide the joy of his son. Learn anew with him. He and You it before they could. Now you just need to remember.

Returning to the outside crying, I want to offer You to look closely at their reactions to what You do AFTER the son starts crying. If he does it again and again, You unwittingly support the boy’s behavior, stimulate. After analyzing, You will be able to draw interesting conclusions.

The TASK is THIS: to give all the same, what is important to Your son, but not “for the tears”, but just so.

To secure a more positive scenario of his behavior. And undesirable effects, unless of course they are not dangerous, it is most efficient to ignore.

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