How to raise a child, not izbalovan it? What to do with spoiled children and what methods of rehabilitation effective?
The desire to surround your child with care and warmth, to give him all the best characteristic of all normal parents. But we want to get the gratitude, not the whims and ever-increasing requirements. How do we walk that fragile line between how to care and nurture, and to spoil?
To give the child warm, to take him in her arms, hugging and kissing, read him bedtime stories, together to play games and watch cartoons — this is normal behavior for loving parents. As to allow the child to Express their thoughts and feelings, to inspire him with confidence. If the kids want to constantly be with their parents, this does not mean that they are spoiled.
The kids with parents who often said he was the most beautiful, intelligent and the best, they begin to believe it and to convince others. It is not surprising that they are more successful in life.
How to understand whether the child is spoiled?
Pampered treat child cranky, overly pampered, which requires parents constant attention. This baby is not used to the fact that he may refuse. He gets on first demand any toy, treats, entertainment. And takes it as self-evident, not requiring even thank him.
The main symptom of the spoiled — emotional instability of the child. Spoiled children whining, overly demanding, disobedient, selfish. They don’t want to take no for an answer, rolling his tantrums every time can’t get what you want. For nothing this kid gets upset like a matter of life and death.
Of course, spoil the child. We need to give him love, to give gifts just because, and not on demand. We must reckon with the opinion of the child, but not because it is in the centre of the universe, and because he is an independent person, a full member of the family.
It should also be remembered that native children can be not only because of the spoiled but also because of congenital or acquired diseases of the nervous system, adverse psychological climate at home, in kindergarten or school. During or immediately after an illness all children also exhibit a growing emotion, the crying, the demands.
What is the cause of them is spoiled?
Children are not born spoiled. This trait appears when a particular parenting style. To spoil a child can permanent concessions to his whims and unsystematic education. Excessive custody, which prevents the child to become independent — that’s the reason needed. When parents 24 hours a day staring at the child, constantly entertain him, vying with each other at various games, toys, cartoons, books, etc. immediately respond to each requirement or (God forbid!) tears, the child quickly realizes that they are entirely at the mercy of his whims.
Error in upbringing that lead to the spoiled, usually characteristic for parents of first-born or later the desired child, and grandparents. wait for the long awaited grandson. They treat the child as to the being absolutely helpless and extremely valuable. The kid never scold or punish. any admire his actions, resulting in the child enshrines the belief that he is allowed everything.
The desire to put the child in the family center — this is the error in the education that is needed.
The consequences of the spoiled
Constant care and attention will not give the kid the benefit, but would hurt him. He will turn into a little tyrant whose perception of the world will be narrowed to the limits of their own desires and needs. To suffer from his tyranny will be the people around him, and in course of time he was. Spoiled and excessive dependence on parents prevent the psychological maturity of the child. He can’t control his desires, but always get what he wants, too. As a consequence of the selfishness of a child who will never be able to feel happy. In addition, the spoiled child it will be tough in the team.
Patience is a very useful quality, which occurs when the child learns to match their desires with those of other people. But he will not be able to learn it, if his every desire will be satisfied immediately by adults. The child must understand that the people around him — too the person and not the means to the fulfillment of his desires.
Spoiled breeds passivity. Indeed, why something to do and something to strive for, if all that is desirable in itself falls into the hands. A spoiled child will not learn to set and achieve certain goals.
And finally, a spoiled child will never learn to be independent.
What to do in order not to spoil the child
In the first year of baby’s life can lay the Foundation for the spoiled, if you fulfill all his whims. No need to run to the other end of the room to feed the baby had fallen off the couch a toy, if he can peel off and lift it. No need to buy him all the toys he shows a finger in the store. Don’t need to feed him with a spoon if he can hold it himself. Wants to carry their toys in the sandbox — let carries. Wants to dress himself and eat — let. Alerting all his desires, you will not only grow and spoilt child, but also depriving him of opportunities normally, by age, develop.
Another important point — discuss parenting strategy with the grandparents. We cannot allow they allowed the kid that prohibit home parents.
The child must understand that parents have their own lives and their concerns. They are not able to be around him all the time, to give up for his sake from themselves and their interests. Parents should try to give the child so much care that he didn’t feel deprived in any way, not even receiving the coveted toy.
If parents put a clear framework that “can” and that “no” becomes easier to live for all family members, including the child. The kid will learn to control their emotions, to respond adequately to the difficulties that will develop him as a person.
How to reform a spoiled child
First you need to learn to tell the child “no.” To refuse calmly, firmly and concisely, not responding to violent protests. For good tantrums need appreciative audience. If parents exclude themselves from participating in scenes with tears, shouts and demonstrative rolling on the floor, he becomes uninteresting hysterical in itself. Especially if it does not lead to the outcome.
But keep in mind that the refusal must be justified. The child must understand that you are denying something, not because don’t like him, but because at the moment you have no money (time, effort).
Be consistent in your requirements: it is impossible today to deny a child something, and tomorrow it’s to allow. Cannot means cannot, not today, not tomorrow or next week. If the child will understand that he can achieve his tears and whims, it is possible to educate it will become much harder.
Starting to re-educate the baby, do not go too far. If before he was allowed to, now everything is denied, the child may decide that he no longer loves. Explain that you still love him, but you don’t like his actions. Be consistent and patient and your baby will grow the same.