How to get rid of the habit to bribe the child or wish that he would listen.
Even educated and experienced moms sometimes bribe the child, understand though that it is bad. You promise a child to afford something that is usually not allowed. To bribery applies when you’re at the store buying your child another toy or sweets, only that he stopped complaining, and when you promise the child something (sweets, extra series of cartoons, another toy or something like that), if he does what you ask.
Many believe that such bribery is completely innocent and can do any harm. However, psychologists are sure that you nourish a child’s confidence, that’s okay-good behavior you have to pay. That is, what would the child himself dressed, you must pay that would have eaten your lunch, to put their toys, etc.
Such bribes seem to be a simple way of cooperation, but you force children to improve in the art of extortion.
If children are rewarded for simple and everyday actions, mandatory actions, they cease to strive to develop, and because for such a trifle you can get what you want. But in the future, teachers will not be rewarded for homework, the employer will not issue the award only for the fact that the employee came to work. You need to think about it and stop trying to bribe the child.
How to stop follow the child to the occasion and indulge bribery?
1. The child must want to do what you need
Every step you take must be aimed at the suppression of the rebellion of the child. But everything should be in the form of a game and to be a substitute for bribery.
Challenge, create the child has the desire to be better and more successful. Give all your children the rules, and justify the results of their disobedience. Everything should be clear and simple.
Children are happy doing what they want to do.
For example. It’s cold outside. And the child does not want to wear a hat and gloves, citing the fact that she/he is not cold. How to encourage your child to dress, what to avoid bribery? Allow the child to go outside dressed the way he wants two minutes. If he’s really not cold – let it as is. Most likely, and inside of minutes, the child will come back with a strong desire to pull everything to warm up. The child did what was required of him, and there was no bribery ( you will dress as I tell you, and for that we can go anywhere you want).
2. Tune into the needs of the child
The previous method gives the possibility to negotiate with the child simultaneously, but not completely rebuilt the principles of his conduct. So we must look deeper at the causes of child extortion. Each children has a tantrum cause. And often cries, tantrums and soliciting the child is trying to communicate something.
For example. Your child does not want to go for a swim. Easier just to bribe the child, promising that after class you go to a cafe (or make something else). But maybe your child is just afraid that the water will be cold in the pool or water gets into the eyes. You just need to buy a baby swimming goggles, and to prove that the water is not cold, or after swimming, take a hot shower.
Another example. The child in the morning not wanting to go to school, though I not very and resisted. You can just promise candy/chocolate (or something else). But can try to understand the reason of whim. Look at the child, if he has red cheeks and hot forehead, and he was listless and sleepy – perhaps the child is sick, and the cause of whim will be cold.
3. Take care of yourself
Another mistake that you do – focus on the children, completely forgetting about yourself. Strenuous parents often choose the easiest way (bribery), because they are so tired that unable to think of another solution. If you will give yourself a little time, you will notice that and get on with children has become much easier.
Even in a busy day (lots of things to do, places to go), half an hour before the next jump to dedicate yourself (come home from work and locked myself in the bathroom for half an hour and lie down/sleep). Can you only have 10 minutes to yoga, or for the fact that to exchange a few words with a friend.
For example. While the child does homework, you can lie beside him with a favorite magazine. While your student will reach an unsolvable task, you will have time to relax a bit, and instead of what used to be nervous why the child does not understand and does not like to torment this math, you calmly pick the right example to explain the problem. And the child understand, and you do not waste a lot of nerves. You can now resume your normal chores.
4. Change the default action
In many families, the morning routine bring all family members to tantrums almost every day. The child does not want to Wake up, he whines, going for a long time, him all wrong and all wrong, etc. And many choose bribing a child just to fit everything in in the morning. Morning is a constant struggle, Breakfast on the go and the buttoning of clothes in the Elevator. Try to change your standard morning. For example, get up 15 minutes earlier, or later. Think about what you could change, something to give, and something to add.
For example. Decide with the child that the next morning you Wake him up 15 minutes earlier so you have more time and won’t need to hurry or be late. Rising early, the child will be able to dance to loud music, dressing, or to see a movie at Breakfast. It is an acceptable form of positive reinforcement. The child had come, had Breakfast, and you are all done, without categorical statements and outright bribery – I’ll buy you a toy, candy, let’s go to the movies, skating.
That would completely abandon bribery in relationships with children, did not have to make a little effort. Children are used to this method of communication, and will try to put everything back. Whine, complain and whine they will be even harder. The main thing is to have patience and not to succumb to provocations.
Here are some examples of bribery and incentive that can be replaced.
The incentive is when you bring something up, reinforcing your request without resorting to bribery.
Bribery: “If you stop screaming, I’ll buy you some candy”.
Incentive: “We’re going to the store, they will behave well – we quickly deal and will be able to read one tale more before bed”.
Bribe. “If you’re going to share your toys with the children, I will let you watch TV for an hour.”
Incentive. “If you’re going to share your toys with the children, they will want to play with you again tomorrow, and you won’t be bored alone.”
If you do not allow yourself to go on about your children, you don’t have in the shop to get round confectionery and toy Department, to listen to tantrums in the morning and evening, to listen from passers – what a bratty child….
Patience, patience and again patience to you, dear parents!